


in love

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders and Morality | Patton Sanders, Crushes, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Kinda, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, There will be comfort, at somepoint, i might add on to this though, im making this up as I go along, it was meant to be a part of a whole story but it does stand on its own well, just angst and no comfort, no comfort but its not quite hurt, other sides mentioned, thats why some of its kinda vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: Logan is in love. But he's not nearly ready to admit it.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

"...and I mean I know we talk about it a lot, but what do you think Pavlov-"

"Remus?" Logan set his pen down from his notebook.

"Hm?"

"What does it feel like when Thomas is in love?"

Remus let his hands sink to his lap as Logan stared at his notes, almost embarrassed to ask such a question.

_ -rapid heartbeat _

_ -flushed cheeks _

_ -warmth in chest _

"Well, you've been around when it happened, haven't you?"

Logan fidgeted, tapping his pen on the paper. "Well, yes, but it doesn't really affect me."

Remus laughed, grinning at the logical side. Logan blushed in embarrassment, looking at Remus.

"What's so funny?"

"How the hell would you not experience something that affects all of us?"

Logan looked back down. Remus was right. That was stupid.

Remus's face softened, and he placed his hand on Logan's for a short moment. "I mean, all of us have our own stuff. Patton gets really giddy and happy, whoever the guy is ends up being the only thing he talks about. Roman and he get really lovey-dovey, especially when my brother starts doing big romantic gestures for him. Virgil's panicking half the time, and the other half he's really chill since Thomas really likes the guy and is comforted by him. Janus is either deciding how bad or good the guy is gonna be for Thomas or trying to get him to simp. I get really gushy and obsessive and horny, and usually help with the flirting. And you... you're such a _dork._ "

"What?"

"Not as in whale penis. You act like a complete fool, fumbling over your words and losing coherency at the slightest bit of affection Thomas gets. You'll try to come up with the best plans to seduce him or go through all the logical outcomes, but really you're just a dumbass gay. You're completely hopeless."

Logan shifted on the bed, drilling a hole in his notebook with his stare. "Well, that's not good."

"But it  _ is! _ You're so dorky and lovable, sometimes I think the guy might like Thomas better if he was you. You mess up your words, or blush like he just confessed to you, or smile lovingly whenever he talks, or start noting down everything he likes to research it, and you get more affectionate with us, even if it's just a high five or leaning on someone's shoulder. You become such a dork, and you're absolutely adorable."

Logan couldn't control the heat on his cheeks, unable or unwilling to write down any more of his findings.

"I- um- well,"

_ Fumbling over your words. _

Logan tensed up, offering only a small nod before bolting out of the room. He could vaguely process Remus's voice calling his name, but the only thing he could think about was the pounding in his chest and the flush on his cheeks.

He ripped up and burned the notebook when he arrived in his room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil tries to help. Logan makes a bad decision.

Logan laid his head on the desk, close to crying. But he didn’t cry. So he was fine.

He heard footsteps entering the room, and a hand on his back. He tensed up before relaxing, and the hand patted his head a few times until he turned it. 

“You good?” Virgil asked.

Logan stared at him. “I’m fine.”

Virgil pulled up the stool he kept by his desk, sitting down so he could be at level with Logan. “You’ve been acting different lately.”

Logan put his head back towards the wood. “I said I’m fine.”

“C’mon, you’ve been acting like a total dork. Staring off into space in a daydream, forgetting to do your work, even forgetting your facts when you get flustered about someone asking you about it."

Logan was tense, his nails digging into one arm. Virgil placed a hand on his shoulder, and he leaned into it, grateful for the affection.

“Hey, do you not like it when we talk about that stuff?”

Logan sighed. “I’m not incompetent.”

Virgil rubbed his hand comfortingly across Logan’s back. “Okay. I’ll tell the others to stop joking about it.”

Logan leaned towards him slightly, and he adjusted his chair to give his friend a side-hug. Virgil started messing with his hair, eliciting the tiniest of grins from Logan as he swatted Virgil’s hand away.

“There we go. There’s a smile from our favorite nerd.”

The residual smile stayed on his face as he turned his head towards Virgil. 

“So who is it?”

Logan froze. He knew there was a blush creeping up on his face, and he  _ hated _ that. Virgil was still grinning at him.

“No- no one.”

“It’s gotta be  _ someone. _ You’re acting like a buffoon with how lovestruck you are.”

“I- I’m not!”

“I can  _ see _ it, c’mon, admit it.”

Logan’s heart rate was increasing as he dug his nails into his skin, turning his head to the desk again. “I- please, I’m not-”

“Logan, I can still see you blushing. You’re a lovestruck fool.”

_ No, no, no, no no- _

“Virgil-”

“Come  _ on- _ ”

“ _ Will you shut up?!? _ ”

He took a deep breath, pressing his head against the wood hard. There were deep nail indents in his arms, and his back was tense and stiff.

“I’m sorry, Virgil, that was… unnecessary.” He had to force the words out.

“...Sorry, Logan.”

“Thank you. I’d appreciate it if you would leave.”

He heard the chair move back to its position, and Virgil’s footsteps recede. Logan let the tension fall from his shoulders, and it felt as if there were tears pricking at his eyes. But he didn’t cry.

He stayed there for a long while, thinking about the list he would need to make to fix his friends’ view of him.

“Hey nerd!”

Remus’s voice, his lovely, comforting voice, entered the room.

“You look like you’re dead. Or dying. You’re too stressed.”

Remus placed his hands on Logan’s shoulders, apparently in an attempt to massage them. God damn Remus’s knowledge of anatomy.

It felt nice.

He ran over his plan in his head, not crying. Not anywhere near crying. There couldn’t be tears in his eyes, because it didn’t  _ matter. _ He didn’t care.

“Leave.”

Remus’s hands retracted, and Logan could feel droplets of water fall onto his arms. He held back the chokes and sobs with everything he had.

“Oh. Okay.”

The pained sound of Remus’s voice only caused more tears to fall. He wanted to go crawling back to his footsteps. He heard them getting faster as they left, and his chest was shot with pain when he heard a sob, one single, awful sob as Remus headed into the hallway.

Logan couldn’t hold back the rest of his tears, the sobs that escaped his throat. He should’ve never started talking to Remus in the first place. 

He should’ve never let himself care.


	3. Chapter 3

Logan avoided Remus at all costs. He’d nearly run whenever he saw him in the room, make up excuses if Remus said his name, even though his heart jumped whenever he heard it. Remus must hate him at this point. And you can only love someone who hates you so much.

This would eventually go away.

He missed Remus. He missed his big smile, his ranting voice, his quiet voice, his touch. He so desperately wanted to hug him, say it was all a lie, his avoidance, and be friends again. He wanted to hear the “I love you,” whether it was platonic or… not.

But he couldn’t.

Because when he would go back, he’d fall harder. And maybe it was a fear of rejection, maybe it was his serious persona, but maybe… 

He didn’t  _ deserve _ it.

Logan had been in his room all day. He stayed in his room most days, everyone was getting worried about him. Patton kept trying to convince him to come to dinners, but those were with Remus, so he ate in his room. Janus kept telling him it wasn’t healthy, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t showering. Virgil noticeably avoided him occasionally, but for the most part vocalized his fear that there was something really wrong. Logan wasn’t sure how bad to judge his situation. Roman tried to either force him out or guilt trip him into hanging out with them. He knew they were just trying to help, but it was quite irritating.

Remus…

Remus, at least in the beginning, would come in, say a sentence or two, asking Logan if he wanted to talk. When he didn’t get a response, when Logan paused his typing to force tears back into his eyes. Remus’s voice was so small and soft, so anxious and hurt.

And it was Logan’s fault.

He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. This felt pointless, all the work he was doing. He was just tired, and hurt, and he hurt other people, and he was  _ useless. _ He wanted Remus to come in with his new idea or fact, use Logan’s chest and stomach as a soft pillow or table for his messy papers.

But that was a stupid desire.

“Logan.”

He turned his head vaguely towards the door, where an annoyed looking Virgil stood. He awaited Virgil’s continuation, as he wasn’t going to prompt it himself.

Virgil trudged over to the bed, grabbing Logan’s arm and pulling him off of it.

“Hey!” Logan scrambled not to fall on the floor, to no avail. 

“You’re depressed, come on.”

“I’m not-”

“Logan, I really don’t wanna have this argument. We’re worried about you. Remus is worried about you. And we’re worried about Remus, and you should be too.”

Logan adjusted his position to sit against the bed. “Remus doesn’t care about me.”

Virgil snorted, joining him on the floor. “You really think that?”

Logan continued staring at the floor.

“He’s head over heels for you, L. And now he thinks you hate him.”

Logan curled in on himself a little, tensing.

“Why are you so keen on avoiding him anyway?”

Logan considered his response for a moment. On one hand, he didn’t want Virgil to laugh at him. On the other… he didn’t want Remus to keep getting hurt.

“...I love him.”

“Well, yeah, but why’s that making you avoid him?”

“I…”

Maybe he didn’t even really  _ know. _

“I’m not supposed to feel. I don’t  _ want _ to. And Remus, well… he makes me feel a lot of things. Things I don’t understand.”

He took a glance towards Virgil, who had turned his head towards the ceiling. 

“Yeah. I don’t think anybody really does.  _ I _ sure don’t. Roman and Patton make it look so easy, but it took a long time for them to get there. You remember, right? How Patton got so flustered he couldn’t even  _ talk _ around Roman. And then he’d just choose his target to gush about Roman to.”

“It’s just… Remus told me that when Thomas is in love, I get really stupid and unorganized, and then  _ you _ said that, and… if being good enough for Thomas involves-”

“ _ What _ ?”

Virgil’s tone sounded aggressive, and Logan turned to look at him anxiously. “Did I-”

“Logan, you’re  _ already _ good enough for Thomas. You don’t need to be completely emotionless. Plus, logic often relies on how Thomas feels. Sure, Thomas might be a little more awkward than usual, but there’s nothing  _ wrong _ with that. And if you tell Remus how you feel, it’ll rid you of the negative effects on Thomas faster than repressing your emotions and staying in your room until you’re completely depressed.

“Plus, if you don’t tell him, I will.”

“Virgil!”

“He’s been crying for the past three days, Logan.”

Logan sighed, leaning against Virgil and closing his eyes. “Thanks.”

Virgil wrapped his arm around him. “Now get the hell out of your room.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter isnt great, but heres the end i guess. i didnt really have a plan for this, i just wrote a scene and had more to say. hope you enjoyed it though

Logan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before heading to Remus’s room. It wasn’t too far down the hall from his own. His heart beat fast as he knocked on the dark green door, covered in scratches and unidentifiable fluids.

He heard a soft sound come from inside, something that put a pang of pain in his heart. He got no response other than muffled cries.

“...Remus?”

The sound immediately stopped.

Remus opened the door to reveal his disheveled look. Messy hair, red eyes, and a costume that looked like he’d tried to rip it up.

“Are you- do-”

“I’m sorry.”

Remus hesitated, staring into Logan’s eyes.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Logan held a hand out, desperately hoping Remus would take it.

He did.

“I never… I never should have made you feel like I hated you. It’s… it’s  _ torture _ to hear you feeling negatively at all.”

Remus was crying, a wavering smile growing unsteadily on his face. He came closer, letting go of Logan’s hand and reaching his arms out in a huglike motion. Logan accepted it, shoving himself towards Remus’s half extended arms. He held on, tight, pushing his fingers through Remus’s hair, eyes shut tight.

“I- I should’ve helped you, L. I knew you were having a hard time, and I  _ ignored _ it. And- and maybe you wouldn’t have felt so bad, this is- this is my fault-”   


Logan held on tighter. “No. No it’s not. It’s not your fault that I was an asshole and avoided you and made you think I hate you, especially because… I don’t. At all.”

Logan took a deep breath. “I love you. Romantically. And I’m finished with telling myself I can’t be.”

Remus dug his head into Logan’s chest, a grin spreading on his face. He started laughing, almost, or perhaps he was just crying. “I love you too.”

Logan smiled, stroking Remus’s hair as he placed a kiss to his head. Remus leaned back, his addictive touch gone from all but Logan’s hands. He was led properly inside Remus’s room, and the door was shut so Remus could lean up to kiss him.

It was surprising at first, but as he relaxed into it, pressing back. He wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist, pulling him closer, holding him tighter. The beating of his heart couldn’t be ignored if he tried.

Finally, and reluctantly, they broke. Remus put his head in Logan’s chest again, a content smile on his face. Logan loosened his grip, relaxing into the hug.

“We’ll have to try that again sometime,” Logan mumbled into Remus’s hair.

Remus placed a small kiss between Logan’s shoulder and neck, the closest spot he could reach.

“Well… is there any problem with doing it again now?”


End file.
